some tragic dream
i want to shout
"wake UP!!!" and
hope to no avail

this mountain too high
to cross
this air too thin
to breathe
this song too sad
to sing
this prayer too late
to undo the loss.

hugs/sobs....Ever.

Uncle Philly

September 13, 2006

It has been far to long, it has been to hard, I have been to stubborn, but I finally found have the courage to write. I visit the site often, just to remember. I still have moments when I miss you guys immensely. I think about you everyday. I found pictures the other day and found tears rolling down my cheek. I adore all the memories that I have. I remember seeing Chel and thinking and treating her like my lil’ sis and you were like my other family too. I am sorry I haven’t keep in touch, it was too hard and life just goes in different directions. I will always hold you close to my heart.

Suzanne

May 4, 2006

Chip,

I will keep on praying for your healing To our heavenly father above, I pray that he will continue giving you strength and to keep you safe through the night. He will send you a special angel until the morning light. May you always keep your thoughts on him while your there resting your head. Remember that he will always love you, no matter how you feel and what you have said. So I pray to the father up above who watches over you day and night, that he will heal your body and soul, Just lean on him with all your might.

Val

May 4, 2006

To the Heptig Family:

I recently lost my mother and father and the following reading always helps me. I hope it helps in the healing process:

Read by Ann Freeman (Carolyn Bessette’s mother)

“Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me. Do not pray FOR me, pray TO me for I have the best seat in the house. I can hear you. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again?”

Being a father of two girls, I was moved by the website tribute to your daughter to send this statement.

May God bless you, your family and friends.

My prayers are with you.

May 4, 2006

Chip,

I want you to know that I'm thinking about you and Chelsea today. I can't believe it is four years. Believe me I know the ache you must feel in your heart everyday, and especially on the anniversary day of her passing.

Luv you always

Joy

May 4, 2006

Chel,

Wow. 4 years have gone by (I'm a day late)..still miss ya Love

Jackie

May 4, 2006

Hello there I just saw this picture in the paper and I was shocked that this person I knew so well back in the day is gone, I am so sorry that this great girl had to die. I am not sure on how she died or anything about this until I was looking in the paper today. And again I am so sorry about this she was a really true friend to me when we where friend's in Lakewood. If u could get back to me at this email address as soon as u can and tell me some things I would love that, it would mean a lot to me. This is Krystle Sinton from Lakewood. Please if U don't remember just write back any ways so I can know wat happened to her, thank u very much and agian so sorry for the lost to u. She's here in are hearts.

May 4, 2006

Hello Chip,

First and foremost I'd like to send my condolences to you, Debbie and Michael and the rest of your family for the loss of your daughter. I recently came across the picture in the newspaper of Chelsea and it touched me very much to find out that she had passed away some years ago in which my family was never aware this occurred. It actually brought sadness to myself, mom and sister and still cannot believe it is real. I hope all is well and your family and friends have been very supportive to you all. I to understand how it is to lose a family member to soon as my father passed away in 2001.

I'm not sure if you remember me but I was a friend of Michael's growing up in Lakewood while we lived in Coventry Square. My sister Krystle was a friend of Chelsea's and my mother was friends with Debbie. Your family was very supportive to us in many ways whether it was going to the beach, movies, sleepovers etc. and was always full of life and enjoyment.

Once again I send my condolences to you and your family.

Eric Sinton

May 4, 2006

Chip:

Chip, Last night I received a call from my friend Tony's sister that he had passed away Tuesday night. I just saw him the night before and he was going to call me last night. He was my best friend for the last seven years. The last year and half he was always there foe me while I was going through very hard times with my divorce. I hadn't heard from my daughter, Melissa, since last June, except for a card after this Christmas thanking me for the"many cards"I have been sending her. Although it is nothing like losing a daughter like you did,it almost feels like that to me. I came across this web site while seeing if Tony's obituary was in the newspaper yet. God must have wanted me to do that because after I went into the site and read everything it gives me hope taht someday soon Melissa and I will be together again. Tony must be up there too still looking out for me. God bless you and your family and thanks for sharing your love for Chelsea with us

Carl

May 4, 2006

To the Heptig Family:

Condolences on the loss of your precious Chelsea. May God comfort and bless you and your family. May He grant to you some peace of mind and heart. There is no loss worse than that of losing a child. We walk a long, hard, painful road filled with bumps, potholes and boulders of grief. My son, Geoff, will be gone 4 years on May 22nd. It has gotten a little "softer" around the edges but pain and sorrow are always ready to attack. Small things can set off tears and the grief we felt on the day they died. This month of May is particularly hard on us - it is supposed to be one of renewal and rebirth but we can't see it that way, our grief intrudes on all we do.

My prayers are with you.

May 3, 2005

Dear Chelsea,
It seems completely incredible that three years – 1095 days – have flown by already. As usual you are still and probably always will be my greatest teacher. Mommy, Aunt Sharon, Debbie, Ryan and I went down to Bayhead again. We each read something (the text of what I read is below). Uncle Philly is still in the hospital up in Ithaca so he couldn’t come, but he was there in spirit. Uncle Jon wanted to be there too. Uncle Philly sent you a beautiful flower arrangement and we took the purple roses with us to the beach. We also brought lilacs from the front yard. At 8:50 AM we had a group hug and then went off by ourselves for a while.

I miss you so much, honey. You’re never out of my mind or my heart.

But I guess you already know that.

I love you, sweetie.
Dad

Reading for Chel on the beach.

"Give faith to your daughter, for faith and hope and mercy are yours to give. Into the hands that give, the gift is given. Look on your daughter, and see in her the gift of God you would receive. It is almost the time of resurrection. Let us give redemption to each other and share in it, that we may rise as one in resurrection, not separate in death. Behold the gift of freedom that I gave the Holy Spirit for you. And be you and your daughter free together, as you offer to the Holy Spirit this same gift. And giving it, receive it of Him in return for what you gave. He leadeth you and me together, that we might meet here in this holy place, and make the same decision.

Free your daughter here, as I freed you. Give her the selfsame gift, nor look upon her with condemnation of any kind. See her as guiltless as I look on you, and overlook the sins she thinks she sees within herself. Offer your daughter freedom and complete release here in the garden of seeming agony and death. So will we prepare together the way unto the resurrection of God's daughter and let her rise again to glad remembrance of her Father, Who knows no sin, no death, but only life eternal.

Say then, to your daughter:

I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself
I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself.
In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be
released together."

Taken from "A Course In Miracles"

May 3, 2005

Dear Chelsea,
I am so sorry that it took me so long to build up enough courage to finally write something on this website. I cannot believe three years have flown by so fast. I think about you everyday. It still hurts as much today as it did back then. I know it my heart you are still with me watching me and protecting me. Chel you were my best friend and for a while I was so mad at you for leaving. But now I cherish the memories that I have of you. I want to say thank you! Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, for getting me to find my grandparents, for letting me experiment on your hair in cosmetology school and for just being you! You've taught me the biggest lesson of my life. THANK YOU! I love you so much. I will never forget you. I miss you so much.
Love Always,
Cyndi

May 3, 2005

"I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow when the day is done.
I'd like to leave an echo... whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve to dry before the sun
Of happy memories that I leave when the day is done."
wow... 3 whole years.. miss ya Chel
Love, Jackie

March 3, 2005

Hey Chelsea,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately, even almost three years later I still think about you almost everyday. Sometimes I remember your laugh and how you used to make fun of me for the silly things we did. Well today especially I remembered you I saw Mike. He was in Shop Rite. He said he is doing good, he was with his son. I always thought that would be you, that you would be the one to be with him forever and have kids with him. But his son is the cutest lil boy; he's only 7 months old. Well Chelsea things have gotten easier for me, but I still will never forget the impact you had on my life. There are few things that I really regret but one is that I did not get to tell you how much our friendship meant to me. But I know that you are watching over me, probably as I am writing this, and you know how I really feel. Please watch over me, but most of all watch over you family and if you have the strength Mike and his son Mike JR. I will see you again, maybe not soon but our day will come where I get to tell you all this face to face so please be there when my time comes. I MISS YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! and thank you for what you have done.

Love Always
Heather

Feb.14 2005

To each and every one of you that spent your life loving, caring, nurturing and sheltering Chelsea this letter is for you.

I met Chip 10 years ago when my daughter entered Lenna Conrow school, we’ve had brief conversations throughout the 3 years. I distinctly remember his positive aura he had to him; he was a very proud teacher with a smile on his face every day. He was an excellent teacher and still is to this day. My daughter moved onto another school. About 31\2 years ago I met Chelsea briefly on Starlite Road in Howell, not knowing that she was Chip’s daughter.

Three years ago my second daughter entered Lenna Conrow. Chip did not remember me from years ago, but I remembered what a happy go lucky man he was. Unfortunately I noticed he was not the same teacher I once knew, and not knowing of this horrific tragedy that struck him, I knew he had changed. Passing by him in the hall, there is such a sad aura that just pours out of him now. His smile is the same but the sorrow in his eyes remains.

It was only recently that I heard of this terrible loss you all have suffered. As an outsider we can only hope in what we say or do will in some way bring comfort to you, the truth is, when you are grieving such a loss there is no message of comfort, the pain remains. So please forgive me for not knowing how to express my condolences accurately. I cannot and refuse to ever even try to imagine how you feel, that is beyond words of recognition. I know too much about loss, none of which are greater than yours.

It was a rainy night back in 1978, my eyes were trying to open, they were very crusty, my body was tingling, I couldn't move. But the rain drops were very clear. I did not know I just awoken from a coma. That night still remains foggy to me, I could not speak and spent the next year in rehab learning how to walk and talk again. DYFS told me I was hit by a drunk driver while riding my bike. I have a medal plate in my head that keeps my skull in place. Not many people know of my past, I am embarrassed. I am sharing this with you because I would like you to know I have 1 memory I hold near and dear to me as this experience puts me in a position to make a difference. I did not know I actually passed on; I cannot describe the feeling of my soul exiting my body it was all so right it seemed like. I saw faces of children, men women. I remember the face of the angel that showed me the way. For the brief moments I spent in heaven I cannot ever express or accurately describe how beautiful and how powerful of an impact this has given me. Chelsea is in a phenomenal peaceful surrounding.

Chip, you gotta pat yourself on your back, you make a difference in the lives of these lil ones at Lenna Conrow , they really love you, I notice how they are always hugging you and tugging your arms. I think that you are really what keeps that school together. And I am inspired by the daily and consistent display of your strength. My prayers are with you and your family and wish eternal health and happiness from this day and always for Chelsea.

Val

January 26, 2005

Dearest Chel,

Today marks 1000 days since you left. It seems incredible still. Impossible. We miss you Honey.

I had a dream about you last night. It was great to see you.

I love you forever Honey.

Dad

December 25th, 2004

Dearest Chel,

This is the third Christmas without you. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Michael, Jan and Mommy came over for the annual Christmas breakfast at 55 Chestnut. Later, Deb and I went to Bayhead and we threw in a few of the best shells. I hope you liked them. We love you honey. Forever.

No matter what.

I love you.

Dad

December 17, 2004

You never realize how much you truly take time for granted until you lose something you love more than anything in this world. For 2 years i have been coming onto this website on a regular basis...reading what everyone writes and venting all of my frustrations crying hysterically. I've never wrote anything before though...i've never been able to. For 2 years i've kept every feeling i have about Chelsea inside of me because i couldn't deal with it...or maybe i just didn't know how. I still to this day don't know if i can deal with it. But i think i'm learning and writing this is my first attempt. I'm sure there are a lot of her friends from Howell that have written things on here that have not a single clue of who i am...but Chelsea was my very first friend...my BEST friend. I lived next door to her when we were kids in Lakewood. Chelsea wasn't just my best friend...and she wasn't LIKE my sister...she WAS my sister. I have never considered anyone to be closer to me than she and her family was. I love Chelsea with all of my heart and miss her more than anything. I feel like on May 3, 2002 i truly lost my heart and soul. I will forever regret not spending more time with Chel when we both moved. We would always use the excuse that we were too far away from each other. But after all is said and done...i'd travel to Howell everyday of the week just to have her here again.

Debi, i truly am sorry i don't call as much as i should but talking to you is the hardest thing in the world for me...i'm so afraid to cry on the phone with you because i don't want to make you upset. But every time i talk to you i miss you and chelsea more than anything in this world and i can't help but to cry. You weren't only Chelsea's mom you were in so many different ways mine as well. You and your family have taught me so much...from the very beginning when i was young enough for you to have an ever lasting impression on me. And i love you more than anything for that! My mother told me you spoke to her the other day...she said she gave you my cell phone. Even though i haven't heard from you lately i will be calling you within this week, most likely Sunday...so be home!! I love you and miss you so much!!

With all my heart,

Michele.

November 14, 2004

my dearest chelsea, it's just another day... no anniversary, no holiday...just another day...like every day that i find myself missing you so deeply...my best friend. You were such a light in my life..so much energy. everyone said we were so much alike, we talked about EVERYTHING! i miss my other half!!! my life is so much less without you in it...so empty. i want to tell you so many things! like your great friend Jessica is going to have a baby girl...and she is naming her Madison Chelsea! I am so honored! I went to the baby shower and bought gifts i thought you would have picked out for the baby...and I gave her one of your stuffed animals from your bed. Your dad helped me choose the one to give to her. Your dad helps me alot...i know you would like that your family is close. He gave me a beautiful shell from the beach and a note about a beautiful dream he had about you..it was wonderful. i still cry so much. i always thought that if you cried enough that there would be no more tears left. that's a lie. your brother will be graduating from college soon and will become a teacher...and a great one! He has excelled academically and his students love him! another Mr. Heptig! you would be so proud. it will be so difficult not to have you sitting next to me when he gets his diploma. i'm lost without you. your brother keeps me on the ground and he's so good to me, too. i love you, my dearest daughter. please continue to help me on this painful journey. i can't wait to hold you again in my arms someday.
i love you,

mom

July 21, 2004

2 years 2months flew by so quickly with everyday thinking of Chelsea. She still is the most outgoing, outrageous, lovable girl I know, and boy am I glad I knew her. No one can ever replace the spot I hold for her in my heart. Not one day goes by and I don't think about her and wish she was here with us. I would give anything for that. With that shining smile and that laugh, she could make anyone smile. Best of all she kept all my secrets with her. I'll never find such a trusting friend again. I'm still trying to find peaceful side to all this so I can remain strong, but nothing seems the same sometimes. I will never forget you, ever. Thank you to Debi for keeping Chelsea strong in our hearts. I don't know what I would do without your help. I love you Chels, and miss you more then ever!

Love always,

Robyn

July 14, 2004

Dear Chip,

I came across your beautiful tribute to your daughter and it's been haunting me. I have been returning to it and reading more and more. It is not only a wonderful way to pay tribute to Chelsea, but a wonderful website also. I heard a little about Chelsea from Richard. I contacted him several months ago through an alumni website. Something made me want to know more about Chelsea and as I said, I found your website. Amid the pain, I saw a lot of beauty in what I saw and read, and I have to tell you that I smiled and laughed when I read about the fact that you still pie each other. I love that you have kept that over the years. 2002 was a hell year for me too, but I still have my daughter. I know a lot of pain and I know a lot of joy, but I do believe that nothing could possibly hurt as much as what you must live with everyday. You are brave and strong and must continue to honor her and keep living as you have chosen.
G-d bless you always.

dyan bernstein

June 22, 2004

I have found myself drawn to your website again and again. I look at the pictures you have put on here and i see a beautiful young lady. I really would like to know what happened to her. Not that it will change what happened or the pain you feel, but I look at her and see a child who probably questioned life and had so much to say. I am so sorry if I have said anything to hurt you, but when I see her pictures it really hurts me. From what I can see she misses her family alot. Thank you for allowing me to talk to you.

June 15, 2004

I don't know any of you but something drew me to Chelsea’s name on the remembrance page. I also raised my children in Lakewood for a short time. Her site makes me feel like I know you all. What a beautiful tribute to her memory and it shows all the love you have for each other as a family. What happened to her? I don't know your pain as a parent losing a child, but I know your pain as a wife losing her husband of 34 years. My loss has also been just two years. I fell in love with him at 14 years old and was 48 when he passed. He was my entire life. We were so in love and my heart is broken. I have come a long way as I'm sure you have, but that loss is never really able for you to overcome. I lived most of my life in N.J. also and moved to Florida in 1991. I would give anything to pack up my children and grandchildren and come home again to be near all the memories we had together. Life is really difficult and very sad sometimes. Your daughter was a very pretty girl and seemed so full of life and happiness. Thank god for pictures, memories, and our minds. I wish you strength, love, luck and happiness. God bless you all, for you have suffered the worse pain with the loss of a child. You have given me strength and the hope that my grief will get better. Take care and thank you for allowing me into your lives by your website.

Denise M. Ward

P.S. Her cat is with her now you know!

May 6, 2004

I don’t even know where to begin; i have spent the past two years thinking about what to say. I can’t believe two years has gone by, i feel like i was just 14 yesterday causing trouble with Chelsea. There has not been a day that has gone by that i haven’t thought of her. Losing Chelsea is the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life and i have been through a lot. I have never lost anyone, not even a grandparent, so to lose my best friend, my "soul sister" is something i can not let go of. I still cry every time a song comes on that reminds me of her or when i see a movie that i saw with her. I recently wrote an English paper for college on the week i found out what happened. For two years i have wanted to write a letter to her as if i could send it and she would read it, i begin to write but then i just cry and i lose my words. I have kept in touch with Debi, but not as much as i would like to. The hardest part was losing Chelsea right after i got in touch with her again and then two months later leaving for the Navy and getting married without her there. I look back at the past two years and there are so many things that i wish i could have shared with her and it hurts so bad not to have a friend like Chelsea here with me. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

I met Chelsea when i was in seventh grade and it wasn’t the typical way you meet your best friend. She actually hated me and someone told the guidance counselor. They made us sit down and talk and we ended up hanging out and from then on were inseparable. There are so many memories i have with Chelsea and those years were the best years of my life. I would not be who i am today if it wasn’t for Chelsea. I started smoking cigarettes when i met her and now eight years later i'm still puffing away. Every time I smell a Newport i think of her especially in the summer when most of our memories took place. Chelsea and i got in a good deal of trouble when we were younger and a lot of people doubted us. Everyday I think about the looks on those people's faces when they see where i am now and how far Chelsea came. For all the things we did when we were younger i don’t regret one minute of it, it has only made me stronger and i have learned from it. Chelsea was an amazing person and to this day i have not found a friend like her, she is one of a kind. i will never forget her glowing smile and her laugh. Whenever i was upset and i would cry she would always sing to me, she had such a beautiful voice. She was the most loyal person I know, she had such a big heart once you got to know her, she was always by my side no matter what.

When i was 15, my sophomore year of high school i moved up to North Jersey two hours away. Chelsea and I kept in touch for the first year and then drifted apart. I still always thought of her and wondered what she had been doing. It was a couple months before graduation and i was getting ready to leave for the Navy. I came home one day and my grandmother called saying "you'll never guess who i saw at the health club." She told me how she saw Chelsea there and how pretty she looked. Chelsea then tried to get in touch with me and looked in the phone book for my last name. She ended up calling a guy i go to school with who had to same last name. I saw him one day at the store and he told me some girl that i knew when i was younger was trying to get in touch with me. She then called Staples where my mom worked and my mom gave her our number. One night I came home from work and my mom said Chelsea called and was going to call back. The phone rang and i got butterflies in my stomach when i heard her voice on the other end ask me "do you know who this is." We talked for a couple of hours and then she said she would call me in a couple of days and i was going to go down and visit her. I never heard from her again. I rarely ever turned my cell phone on but one day on my way home from work about a week after i talked to Chelsea i turned it on and that’s when i got the call from Debi. I will never forget the night i got the call from her mom; i have never been so hurt in my life. I didn’t know what to do i just broke down and I remember my mom gave me whiskey to try and calm me down. I sat up all night with my mom just reminiscing about the times we spent with Chelsea. The next day I didn’t go to school and my mom and i got lunch and went to the park where it was quiet and talked. I didn’t go to school for a few days i couldn’t have possibly talked to any of my friends, i knew they wouldn’t understand. When they had the service for Chelsea I drove down there with my mom the night before. When we arrived at the funeral home i remember the feeling I had in my stomach, i was so scared to see Debi because when i look at her all i can see is Chelsea. When I walked in i heard the music playing and i saw Debi, then i saw all the pictures and i couldn’t take it anymore. What hurt the most was seeing people there who i went to middle school with, i just couldn’t bare it, i needed to say goodbye in my own way. I went with my mom down to Point Pleasant boardwalk where Chelsea and I spent most of our days. I never asked Debi what they decided to do with her and i regretted that for a long time until i finally wrote her and asked when I was in boot camp. I am so thankful that God gave me the chance to hear Chelsea's voice once more before she went. All through boot camp and every time i have a bad day i talk to her and ask her to watch over me and so far it has gotten me through a lot. I have the things Debi sent me and i keep them in my room on my dresser along with her picture. I also have a charm Chelsea gave me for one of my birthdays that says Chelsea and Grace BFFAE (best friends forever and ever). The hardest thing is not being able to share my life with my best friend. I will never let go of the memories i have of Chelsea and i will continue to think of her every day until i meet with her again. I love you Chel with all my heart, thank you for all the wonderful memories and for watching over me.

Grace

May 6, 2004

Chelsea,
Hey girly, it has been two years since you have physically left us. But I know that in spirit you are still here. An as some of us used to say you are our angel getting us into trouble and out of it. So many things have happened in the past two years. Although I miss you so much we deal, I finally convinced my self that your not “Just away at college", or your not “just on vacation". I finally made myself realize that this is for real, it was hard but like i said i deal. I still hear your laugh sometimes you have that laugh that no matter what will always stick with me. I still remember the last time we hung out, it was the Wednesday before this all started, and we went shopping you wanted a new outfit because you had lost so much wait and u deserved it, but you never got to wear it.

Your family is the strongest family that I know they have to be strong to deal with this. I see Mike sometimes, I don’t really talk to him tough he just says hi and how ya doing? Your death has made such an impact on so many peoples lives, I just wish that it didn’t have t o happen the way it did, or that it didn’t have to be you. But it was just please Chelsea watch over all of us some of us are going through some really hard times with the war and family so please just keep on being our angel. You will never ever be forgotten.

When u passed i put a saying in my profile that reminded me of you it goes like this:

“Some people come into our lives and quickly leave. And other come into our lives and leave foot prints in our hearts and we will never be the same"

Love always
Heather
P.S. WE MISS YOU!

May 6, 2004

I first want to say I MISS YOU SO MUCH! We had so many good times. My mother and I were just talking about you this morning (5-6-04) Remember the time when Grace, you, and I stayed at Lionel’s house that one night and then we were all standing at the bus stop thinking we were slick and weren't going to get caught yeah ok my aunt and graces mom drove right up and brought us all back to graces and yelled at us. We were bad! But they were all great memories i am so thankful i have all of those great things to look back on. What about that time your mom dropped us at the beach and we trusted some old lady to watch our stuff just so we could swim down the beach to go meet someone on the other side and then when we got back the old lady was gone and so was our bag and beepers that was messed up. Well I love you so much and i will always have a place in my heart for you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Jessica Leander xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

May 6, 2004

My name is Marie. I live in Aberdeen,N.J. I have 3 children..2 boys 15&13,and 1 daughter 12.....I read the memorial in the paper and it touched me so much that I visited the beautiful website dedicated to your daughter....I am sitting in front of my computer crying as I write this note to you.....my heart hurts for your loss..I can not even begin to comprehend your emptiness and sorrow....I worry about my kids everyday and my husband and I hope we are doing right by them...your daughter's memorial only reminded me of how precious these 3 lives are to us...so in her special way her light has touched my life..thank you..you and your family will be in thoughts and prayers for a very long time....May God be with you all ...I will pray for inner peace for all of you

Marie

May 4, 2004

Chels, wow 2 whole years.. today I saw the nice memorial your mom put in the news paper.. it was really nice.. I think about you often whether it's something funny that was said, something pops up that reminds me of you, or even when I'm at work and someone asks me what my purple ribbon means on my smock ... many people still wear your ribbon; me and some girls from Shop Rite made them shortly after you passed and I still wear it with Annie ribbon under my angel pin. Days after you passed we took our State Board test for Cosmetology. It didn't feel right without you there.. many of us wore your ribbon under our black uniforms.. Mrs. B told us we had to stay strong and stick through it and that you were watching over us we called you our State Board Angel..lol.. I know when you died we weren't on the greatest terms.. but that doesn't effect anything.. I still miss talking to you and hearing your funny laugh. All day I kept replaying in my mind the time you told me how much credit you give me for staying as strong as I was with all the stuff I went through during and after the accident...and how you couldn't imagine being in my place coincidentally I can't begin to imagine the pain your family feels.. I miss ya Chel.

3 Jackie

May 3, 2004

I don't know your family. I saw the memorial in today's newspaper. My condolences of the loss you your beautiful daughter. I have two daughters myself, ages 18 and 23. I lost my husband 3 years ago. If losing a spouse is hard, losing a child must be 10 times harder. May peace be with all of you. Stay strong.

May 3, 2004

Today marks the two year anniversary of Chel’s departure. Uncle Philly came down for the week end and stayed for Monday morning. Aunt Sharon came down and stayed with Debi. She also stayed for Monday.

Monday morning, May 3, 2004, Debi (mom), Debbie, Uncle Philly, Ryan, Aunt Sharon, and I took a ride out to Bayhead, New Jersey. We got there about 8:40 AM. We brought lilacs just like last year, and I brought some purple shells to throw back. We gathered for a few minutes and read something from A Course In Miracles”:


“Before your daughter’s holiness the world is still, and peace descends on it in gentleness and blessing so complete that not one trace of conflict still remains to haunt you in the darkness of the night. She is your savior from the dreams of fear. She is the healing of your sense of sacrifice and fear that what you have will scatter with the wind and turn to dust. In her is your assurance God is here, and with you now. While she is what she is, you can be sure that God is knowable and will be known to you. For He could never leave His Own creation. And the sign that this is so lies in your daughter, offered you that all your doubts about yourself may disappear before her holiness. See in her God's creation. For in her, her Father waits for your acknowledgment that He created you as part of Him. Without you there would be a lack in God, a Heaven incomplete, a Son without a Father. There could be no universe and no reality. For what God wills is whole, and part of Him because His Will is One. Nothing alive that is not part of Him, and nothing is but is alive in Him. Your daughter’s holiness shows you that God is One with her and you; that what she has is yours because you are not separate from her nor from her Father.

“Say, then, to your daughter:

“I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself.
"I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself.
“In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be released together.

“Amen.”


At 8:50, Each of us then went off by ourselves. Afterwards we went out to breakfast at the OB diner, just like last year.. Called Michael from there.

We placed a memorial in the Asbury Park Press today to mark the day.

I love you, honey. I miss you terribly.

Dad

April 26, 2004

Dear Chelsea,
That first day of hell and miracles of love. The first day of the last week of your human life. This morning your beloved aunt Sharon called me...tears, anxious voice, "a miracle from Chelsea" she said.

"I'm here hiking in the woods, like I do every day, and for years I've asked for one wish...to see an owl. This morning I was hiking and in the place I talk to Chelsea, as I began to talk to her, I looked up to see an owl staring right at me...not moving. As I moved closer I noticed that he could not move because he had a broken wing."

Chelsea, your aunt Sharon went on through a sigh of tears that she called the animal rescue group and they are on their way to help. She knows that this is a gift and a miracle from you...to witness this beautiful owl and to have this healing journey of helping the owl...the gift of love you keep sending us.

Chelsea...I remember this morning two years ago when I called Sharon and she just got in her car and drove down from NY State and just left her nursing school and her family and everything in a moment to be with me and you. Somehow she just new and she just held us both. She loves you so much and these miracles are the love that needs to be discovered in every moment in every day. PLEASE keep them coming!

I love you so very much my dearest angel. YOU are healing the world....and me. I need you so very much.

mom

April 20, 2004

Dearest Chelsea,

It’s my 51st birthday today. It’s kind of hard to get too excited anymore about this day. It’s two years since the last time I saw you alive and happy. It’s also the start of what we refer to as “Hell Month”… April 20th to June 9th (your b-day). Someday I hope that the coming of Spring once again means happy things. Right now it kind of sucks.

I go to the beach often, and every time I’m there I pick up a few shells. If I find one with a little purple in it (your favorite color), I think of it as an extra special trip. Over the past two years, I’ve developed a pretty sizable collection.

I love you forever… no matter what.

Dad

April 11, 2004

Dearest Chelsea,

It is Easter Sunday and I miss you so much. No reason for any celebration. The last picture I ever took of you was two years ago on Easter Sunday...you and Mike were going to have dinner with MIke's mom and you were in nice pants and a pink shirt and you looked so beautiful...so happy...the best smile. I miss your face, your laugh, your arms around me, our talks. I'm trying real hard to be strong but honestly I don't want to be. You must be holding me from where you are because there would be no way I could survive this if you were not. Don't forget that your mom loves you with all of her heart. Please be with your brother and dad...they need you so much, too.

love you

mom

March 29th, 2004

Chelsea..Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. You have touched so many peoples hearts, and your wonderful mother is still making of that, now both of your are touching so many lives. I can't tell you how much I miss you everyday. All the laughs, and even the crys. Keep helping me through the rough times, I need it..
I Love You

- Robyn

February 17th, 2004

Dear Chelsea, Your cat came to be with you yesterday. Your dad and I together helped Mahatma let go - in kind, loving arms - to be with you. I miss him around the house...almost 20 years of my life were with him...I'm so glad he was in our lives! Remember how you had me kiss the cat good-night every evening saying to the cat "kiss grandma goodnight"! He kept me such good company after you had to leave. I pray that he is keeping you company now and hope you are smiling and laughing together. Keep sending the love and the miracles! Help me face the day's and nights without you. forever missing you,

your mom

February 14th, 2004

My prayers are with you and your family. I hope that you are all hanging in there. Chelsea was a beautiful person and she REALLY did touch peoples lives, she was friends with everyone and not one person that knew her could ever forget her.

Angelamarie 420

February 14th, 2004

Dear Chelsea,

Today marks the second Valentine's Day that's passed since you've been gone. I took a rose down to Bayhead, climbed out on the jetty, and threw it in. I think of you constantly and miss you terribly. I love you with all my heart, honey.

Love,

Dad

Dear Chelsea's mother,

Today you gave our freshman seminar class at Monmouth University a beautiful speech on your daughter and it touched me in a way that can't be described. Although I do not know your daughter I feel through your stories of her that we are a lot alike. It makes me think that if something like that could happen to her than it could happen to me which scares me to death. I am very close with my mother and I tell her everything and just hearing your story makes me realize that I would never want my mother ever to have to go through the great and horrible tragedy of losing a daughter like you had to.

I thank you for taking the time and telling us your story. It really has changed my mind about experimenting with drugs. My heart goes out to your family and I just want you to know that I think a lot of mothers couldn’t do what you have done, by talking to other children, and I admire your bravery to the fullest extent. Thank you again.

Jenna N

December 18, 2003

mr. heptig & mrs. heptig & all others,

when you (debi) came to manalapan high school yesterday (12/17/03) and told us about what you went through with your loss and the whole thing about ecstasy, i remembered about my best friend in the whole world, Nikki, who died from a drug overdosage of ecstasy a few years back. i tried to forget about it when it happened since when she died in august of 2002, i was at camp and when i heard the news i was totally freaked out. she wrote to me a lot during the summer and i still have most of the letters she sent me. its been two whole years and i guess that when you lose someone so close to you, like a daughter, it has a different impact on you than losing a friend, even to the same cause. after you came to my school and i went home, i immediately contacted Nikki's parents. After we got reacquainted, i went over their house and we talked and we laughed and we cried about the memories we had with Nikki. I even called some of her friends and they all came over. it was great. also, during my 7th grade school year, i had some major encounters with drugs and alcohol. i even tried ecstasy a couple of times. somehow, i remember exactly how i felt. so happy and like i was on top of the world. especially mixed with some alcohol, i felt like i was 100% perfect and that all my problems had simply vanished from my life. but then everything went away and everything was back to the way it was. i regret every single thing i did. and i am SO glad that i am still here. if only you guys had the same gift and still had chel with you. but just hold on and remember that at some point in everyone's lives they have to go through the same problems like you did, losing someone you care about and love. it’s okay to cry and remember. it only helps. it can never hurt you. you all have to remember that you will get through this if you stick together. maybe invite all of chelsea's friends over and talk about all the memories you have with chelsea and keep them forever. i promise that you all will feel so much better afterwards. thank you so much debi, because even though chelsea is gone, you might have saved a whole bunch of kids from doing the wrong thing and turning to drugs. god bless you and your family, and chelsea.

love,

someone who really cares.

December 13th, 2003

Chelsea, i woke up the day after you died in such anguish. i asked you how i'd ever live this life never seeing you again...with such force a belly laugh, kind and loving, i heard in my mind you say "mom, I'm right here, just look at the flowers"! all year flower miracles surrounding me...purple roses on xmas eve, dozens of flowers growing on that plant in my bedroom that hadn't had a bloom in 5 years.... so i went to Omega and attended a great workshop "Being with Flowers" and felt you all around me, walking with me, your happy energy. thank you for our moments in love. I found a card and bought it for me:

"When by the flood of your tears
the inner and outer have fused into one
you will find HER whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest,
the very breath of life,
the very core of every heart"
---Ma Anandamayi

ahhhhh....you are here....inside me and inside the heart of every soul...love all and i discover you, that which is real inside me. i know that now this is where i hold you and where you hold me, but, oh, i miss your smile and your hugs! this life journey has such a void without our movie nights and dinners and shopping and talking for hours....thank God for all that we had here together and God keep me strong in faith.
love,
your mom

Ten trees were planted in memory of Chelsea Marie Heptig. They are registered in Caribou-Targhee National Forest near Yellowstone National Park. This was a gift from friends Christina Martuscelli and Barbara Cahn.

I guess we'll have to make a trip out there to see them sometime!

Also, there is a star registered "Chelsea Marie". It is in the cup of the Big Dipper. She watches over us all...and shines for us in our darkness. I love you Chelsea.
Mom

April 20th, 2003
Dear Chel,
Today I turned 50 years old. This is the first anniversary of the last time I saw you alive and happy. You and Mike came over to wish me a happy one. Uncle Jon told you how great you looked. You gave me a hug before you left... best birthday present I ever got.
I miss you, honey. I love you.

Dad

August 10, 2003

this aching place,
in outer space
that's deep within my heart
reminding always
of the fact that
your very difficult self
has left us…

And still
in the void
are the singing tones
of Chelsea Marie.

wanting to be
waiting for me
Forever.

Uncle Philly

July 24, 2003

Chelsea

God how i miss you...not a day goes by that i dont think of u...you were a great friend...I visit ur mom sometimes ..she is an amazing women and i see so much of u inside her..i still have ur pictue in my car, it makes me happy when i can see u everyday, i think of all the good times we had. Like at Shawns and work etc.etc. I miss u so much and i hope i will see u in heaven.

Love always

Angela

P.S. You will always be in my heart:)

July 23, 2003

Hey Chip,

This is Ellen. I was one of Chelsea’s friends. I am still really sad about what happened to Chelsea and I am sorry for you and your family. Chelsea was a great friend and we had many laughs. It’s still hard to believe that Chelsea is no longer with us. But just think… God has a new Angel with Him in Heaven. Maybe He had bigger plans for her than we did.

I think of her all the time and I really wish she was still here with us. I don’t know what to say but I am sorry for the loss of Chelsea. I will always miss her and hope to see her one day when I leave this earth.

One last thing… I think that what you did with this whole web page thing is a really good idea. It gives us a chance to look back and remember all the good times we had with Chelsea while she was with us.

Love,

Ellen

June 27, 2003

Chels.. It's been over a year now..nothing’s the same. Just letting you know I'm always thinking about you! Work's hard and school was rough. There's no more crazy nights with you but I’m trying to live them on for us! I'll always keep the "pact". Hey, I even got a decal of dolphins with your name in them on my car, so everyone has to remember you! I miss you more and more everyday. Thank you for being there for me. I'll never forget you. I Love You Chels

Love,

Robyn

Monday, June 9th, 2003

Today would have been Chel's 19th birthday. It was one year ago today that Deb, Michael, and I took the boat trip out past Sandy Hook to commit some of her ashes to the ocean.

One year ago yesterday that Michael, Jay, Deb, and I got our tattoos.

400 days yesterday since my universe shifted.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done...ever.

I love you honey.

I feel as if it is my fault,
even though I barely knew her,
I feel as if we shared our thoughts,
even though my thoughts did not go through her.

Times like this come so un expected,
waiting for response,
you have to keep an eye on them,
because once they leave you,
it's like the eraser was wornout.


-much love
Sally Rose, Mobius and Fuzzy's daughter

Monday May 5, 2003
It’s been one year and two days since Chelsea died. Seems unbelievable. Seems like it happened yesterday. Last week was the anniversary of the “Week From Hell” and I was besieged by images of the hospital. Friday I took the day off from work and drove up to Trinitas Hospital. I brought flowers to the nurses at ICU with no expectations of them even remembering us, but they knew who I was immediately. Berta ran to see if Dr. Oricello was around, but he was in a meeting. I also talked to one of the nuns that helped us all through those terrible days. By the time I got back home there was an email from the Doc:

Dear Chip: I was upset that I missed you this morning. I was at a meeting. I told Alberta that she should have paged me.

We never will forget Chelsea, you and your entire family. As a matter of fact, we speak about all of you at least weekly, if not more frequently. All of you are our gold standard.

Never hesitate to call if I can be of assistance. I doubt if I can add to your comfort. I know, however, that anyone coming in contact with you will always be better for it.

Fondly,
Ralph Oriscello

What a kind and gentle man.

Saturday Phil, Jon, Ryan Debbie and I went down to the beach at 8:30. Deb and Jon read the Kadish, then I read the following excerpt from A Course in Miracles:

"This is the time in which a new year will soon be born from the time of Christ. I have perfect faith in you to do all that you would accomplish. Nothing will be lacking, and you will make complete and not destroy. Say, then, to your daughter:

I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself.
I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself.
In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be released together.

So will the year begin in joy and freedom. There is much to do, and we have been long delayed. Accept the holy instant as this year is born, and take your place, so long left unfulfilled, in the Great Awakening. Make this year different by making it all the same. And let all your relationships be made holy for you. This is our will. Amen. "


We then separated and each went off to wrestle with our demons. I brought lilac blooms from the bush in front of our house for each of us to throw into the water.

Our hearts are still broken, but we continue to move on.

chip